Finding My Mom Tribe

top (on sale!) | jeans | cuff 1 | cuff 2 | earrings | sandals | baby top | baby shoes | mat | wooden toy 1 | wooden toy 2

Let’s be honest…going to the park with a baby is more fun with some girlfriends and their babies…and maybe a glass of wine. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I immediately started figuring out how to find other moms-to-be (or FTMs- first time moms…there are seriously so many acronyms that moms use on the internet, it’s hard to keep up). While I have a great support system, none of my immediate friends and family were pregnant and could really relate AT THAT MOMENT to things going on with my body (and my mind- hormones are no joke). I knew I wanted other prego friends, and being a future stay-at-home-mom (SAHM, I told you there were a lot), I knew I wanted mom friends that would be game for midday playdates and classes.

I didn’t actively seek out new prego friends until I was past the first trimester, things were a little safer miscarriage wise, and we were telling everyone that we were expecting at that point. But I definitely had done my research by then and hit the ground running! We were living in San Francisco at the the time (we’re now in NYC) and finding a mom group to go to for advice when I first felt a Braxton Hicks contraction, or to text at 3 am when we were all up nursing was invaluable. And now, I have another mom tribe in NYC that I can text anytime for baby advice, try classes with, and we have a standing weekly playdate…sometimes that’s in the form of wine and a blanket in the park (playdates are as much for us as they are for the babies at this point…mama needs some adult conversation in her day!)

Below are a few things I did to find my mom tribe(s) (because we moved when Wyatt was 6 months) and for anyone expecting, I would recommend 100 times over to find one, it really does take a village!

1. Hit Up the Message Boards. I created an account on What to Expect When You’re Expecting, a website for all things pregnancy. The “groups” section is where there are forums for just about anything- I searched for ones in the SF neighborhood that I was living in and for my the month and year of my due date. There wasn’t a group yet that specifically matched both of my criteria, so I started one. People are looking to make connections with other FTMs (first-time-moms, keep up!) in their area, so start one if there’s not one that fits your stats! I asked for members to reply with their email if they wanted to be part of a group that emailed and met up while they were pregnant and after their babies came out. We got a crew of about 10 mamas-to-be, it was great! This is how I met of my best mom friends when we were very newly pregnant!
2. Go to Pregnancy Groups and Classes. In SF when I was pregnant I went to Natural Resources, (a baby store and classes center) for a monthly pregnancy meet up. It was great, I was able to meet other moms-to-be and there was a different topic of discussion each month, all pregnancy related…it was nice because you all have something huge in common, you get your (weird and many) questions answered, and people ask other ones you never even thought of. I also met another one of my best mom friends at one of these groups, we found out our due dates were a day apart and the rest is history! Find one of these places in your city or town or one close by, or reach out to others during that newborn prep or infant CPR class!
3. Go to Baby Classes and New Mom Groups. A few weeks after Wyatt was born I started going to a new mom group at DayOne Baby in San Francisco, it was a group of 10 new moms (and their babies) and a facilitator…we’d talk about a different topic each week and the facilitator would share her knowledge as well- she is a lactation consultant so a great resource on her own. It was one of the best things I did for myself as a mom in those early days, it gave me a good reason to get dressed (in real clothes) and out of the house once a week and talk to other moms about what we were going through. We discussed everything- breastfeeding, sleeping (or lack of), reflux, all the highs and lows because there are so many new things at the beginning of motherhood. It was so helpful to be able to talk through them with women who were going through the exact same thing, at the same time, and for the first time as well. I would wake Wyatt up from naps to go (I know, I know), but I learned so much and it made me feel like there were at least some things I was doing right on my own!
   As soon as I moved to NYC I looked for a similar support system, and this format, as a way to meet other new moms. I came across The Moms Groups and signed up right away. It was similar to the SF group, but our babies were now a few months older. I met so many of my friends in my NYC mom tribe here. We’d hang out after group and meet up at other times…and now still do even though the group has been over for months.
   If there aren’t formalized new mom groups in your area- definitely start meeting other moms in gym or music classes that you sign up your little one for. I started doing a stroller workout class in the park when I moved to NYC and met some of my mom friends there too! There at literally moms everywhere who want to make connections!
4. Tinder for Moms. Ok I was a little wary of this one, but the app Peanut is actually SO great for meeting other moms. You literally put info into your profile like a Tinder or Match profile and then swipe left or right on other moms if you want to connect with them or not. You can see info like what town or neighborhood they live in, how old their kids are- or when they’re due date is, if they’re a stay at home or working mom, and what their interests are (you can obviously put as much or little info in as you want for your own profile). If you both swipe right on each other then you connect (like peanut butter and jelly) and can start messaging! It sounds bizarre I know, but it just goes to show that there are SO MANY moms and pregos who are looking for new friends in this new stage of life. There is another similar app called MomCo that I haven’t used but looks like it’s for the same purpose.

Having a mom tribe…or “stroller squad” as we sometimes call it, is so valuable. I don’t know what I would have done without pregnant girlfriends when I was pregnant, when all of our babies were born and we were like, “wtf are we doing?!” and now having a crew of moms and babies that are all going through the same stuff together. Other moms and moms-to-be are looking for mom friends too, go find them!

A special thanks to all of my mom friends everywhere…thank you for encouraging me through tricky mom moments, going for unnaturally early morning walks to get coffee, assuring me everything is going to be okay when my baby is crying all night, inviting me to your place just so I could get out of mine, and giving me priceless advice and unconditional support, love you girls!